Beta #2

It was so funny when i walked into the REs office.
The receptionist looked up and saw me and clapped her hands and said I will check you in! No need to tell her my name!
The MA who does the blood draws saw me and was so excited she clapped also! She was so happy I was back for draw #2!
I mean I have been seeing these people for about year and a half at least once a month many times I have seen them several times a week!

Later I was trying to take a nap when Dr H called me.
My Second Beta was 478 so she said it had doubled nicely and things were good. That I should call Thursday when the scheduler was back and cancel my appt for next week that would have been my WTF and set up an Ultrasound for 7 weeks! So I think that is the week of Jan 19th. So now I need to sit and wait until then! That is a long time without anything happening!

Beta #1!

I got the call when driving home from some errands that beta #1 was 230!!!

She was pretty impressed. I go back the 31st for a second beta.
So I made a onsie forever ago back when i was optomistic to tell hubster with. He loves dinosaurs and i saw the picture on Pinterest and made an iron on.

I got home and grabbed the stuffed dog that lives on our bed and put him in the onsie.  The dogs name is Bungy. So I went over to the office where hubs was playing computer and asked him if he was in the process of dying and he said no why. So I told him Bungy had a present for him. So he turned around and said okay. So I handed him the puppy and he read the onsie and goes... "aww that is cute did you buy that when you were out?" I told him no and waited and waited. He hugged the puppy and handed it back to me. So I asked "do you not see that he is wearing a onsie?" and he goes yeah I saw that, it's cute!" I stared at him for a bit and then asked him "so are you just not getting it?" he stared blankly at me. So I said the dr called and that is why Bungy was giving him a present. He stared and "went they called? Already??" OMG! he jumped out of his chair and started hugging and kissing me. He then followed me down to the kitchen to get something to drink and was skipping around the house. I sent him away before he drove me crazy!!

It is finally real! After spending $25,000 this year alone and so many shots and pills and dates with the dildo cam it is all real!
FX for doubling numbers and a easy 9 months.
So much love to all the ladies on the Bump and IDOB who have kept me sane through this process!

Holy crap, holy crap 2 lines!!

If you are friends with me on Facebook please don't post anything public on my wall.

So yesterday I decided to test because I have no willpower. I didn't look at it because I figured it was going to be negative. So I took it before I showered and just threw it away.
Then that night I looked and saw a second line.

Well could have been an evap or just about anything.
So this morning I decided to test again because I had been feeling off and that faint line from last night.

Yep a faint line... But who knows if I can acutally trust that cheap Wondfo!

So I held it for as long as I could and then tested again around lunch... Another Line! Holy Crap! Commence freak out!!
E didn't want me to test. He wanted to wait until Beta.
He is gone all day today so I can't tell him. And decided if I could turn a digital I would tell him in the morning.

Well my lovely pee pusher IDOB ladies told me to test with a digi. The ones I have expired in Sept but I did it anyway! They are Pee Pushers and I love every single one of them So much!!!!

Yep that's right! My penguin appears to be here to stay! Beta is Sunday and then I will go official on the bump.
We won't be telling families or anything for a while. I need to talk to hubster about that so he doesn't tell his parents and not tell me that he told them!

 

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to the like 2 people who actually read my Blog!

Hope you had a wonderful holiday and that all your dreams come true!

Mine was okay but today was rough hanging with my niece and nephew all day and seeing their joy and wishing we could have a little one to share it with. My hubs kept giving me looks across the room and I think he was thinking the same thing.

Hopefully next year.

Happy Holidays!

My new favorite chart....

So I have been stalking this chart a little more than I would like to admit lately! Today I am 3 days past transfer... So little pengy you better be doing what you are supposed to be doing!
I have had lots of sharp stabby cramping today. I am sooo not trying to think too much into it. But that is so hard to do.
Sunday, I just have to make it to Sunday and then I will know. I am not going to test before then I think... I keep telling myself that but by Saturday I may break down, if nothing else Sunday after my Beta is drawn so I am prepared.

 http://www.nyufertilitycenter.org/ivf/embryo_transfer

5-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Two	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Three	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Four	Implantation continues
Five	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Six	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Seven	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eight	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Nine	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

Penguin is in the building!

Yay for being PUPO!
We got there and they took us right back.
The embryologist came back and said that the embryo was doing great it looked slightly compressed because of freezing and something but everything looked just like it should. I think it looks a little like a penguin or a chicken or a squirrel!

Within 15 mins out 4AB blast was in place and I was dashing to the bathroom!
Full bladder + speculum + US wand pressing from the outside = almost peeing on RE!


The Valium made me a little loopier this time, I leaned forward in the car to pick something up and felt like the world was spinning. But I like Valium, I gave no shits about anything! :)
We stopped quick at the store and I sat in the car and then stopped for lunch and brought it home to eat quick and then it was nap time to try to sleep off the Valium! I slept maybe an hour and a half and felt drunk when I got up.
I am still sleepy and a little loopy and crampy but resting on the couch with my fuzzy penguin blanket!

Hubster goofing off in his snazzy wear! he put the hair net on like that when the nurse was still in the room and she was cracking up as she left!

He is a goof and I can't take him anywhere!

Pengiunarium is ready!!!

And will be occupied at 11:30 tomorrow!

Thanks Jen Tee for the picture! I love it and it needs a home here!!

So as long as we don't get a call in the morning that something went wrong with the thaw we are good to go!

My super sweet coworker (my work mom) who knows that I keep calling this my penguin gave me all penguin themed Christmas presents today! It included a super fuzzy penguin blanket, penguin hand towel, penguin earrings and pin, an ornament and something else (I forget and am to lazy to go look)! 
She totally made me cry and told me all she wishes for me this year is a little penguin!

I want this to work so badly it hurts. If it doesn't I don't know what to do. And I refuse to let myself think about it not working. 

16 hours until game time! Woooooooooooooooooo!

OMG so many meds... so little time!

I was looking at my counter today and just had to shake my head about how many meds I have to take...

Twice a week:
Cabergoline

Daily:
Synthroid
PreNatal Vitamin
Low Dose Asprin

For FET:

Doxycycline twice a day through Friday
Medrol (steroid) twice a day through Friday
Prometrium three times a day until 10 weeks or BFN
Estrace three times a day until 10 weeks or BFN 

I am a pill popping machine!

Oh almost for got the vallium that is sitting and waiting until friday!

5k #11 done!! :)

This morning was 5k #11!! I am still thinking I am crazy for signing up for 12 this year... and have not met my original goal of running the last couple in their entirety. But I am still out there chugging along!

This was a makeup one for not doing the Turkey Trot. Left the house at 7:30 and it was a nice toasty 15 degrees out! I had on a couple layers but didn't want to overheat during the run so figured I was good. This was before I knew the start and first half mile were along the shore of Belleville Lake, and it was windy at Belleville Lake... So 15 degrees plus wind = freeze your butt off!! They had a few fire pits set up to warm next to prior to the race start and I could barely move more than a foot away from one of them!

Anyhoooo the race started and we headed out and turned onto the bridge that went across the lake... Um yeah by halfway across the bridge I could not feel my face anymore, it was frozen solid! I managed to thaw it out and chugged along doing my intervals.

This race didn't have timing chips so I think my time was 44:30 which is 25 seconds faster than the chocolate run a few weeks ago. But still 35 seconds slower than my fastest this year.

#12 is next weekend. We (BFF & I) are staying the night at a hotel near Cedar Point and that is where the Santa Hustle is! We all get Santa hats and beards and stuff for the race!! It should be fun!

There is one problem with doing so many this year is now everyone is asking what the goal is for me and wanting to do races with me. Wellllllll hopefully FET works and I won't be doing a ton next year. So my plan is 4-5 right now... they all for sure will work around if this works... 2 in March, 1 in June, 1 the end of October and 1 in November... Even if I walk them it will be okay with me. 4 are with the same running company and you get a special medal if you do all 4!

I am boring... but still on schedule!

Yeah there is not happening... a FET cycle is so much more boring and way easier than a fresh cycle!

Wednesday (yesterday... right?) I had bloodwork and US to see how things looked.
Right ovary looked good, left had a 9mm follie on it... with BCPs and Lupron that should not have been there... but she said it should be okay, but we would see what the bloodwork looked like.

Per usual I had to go to Tim Hortons after. They should never have built one right there next to the office! :)

Oh and my favorite nurse was the one who did my blood draw, yay for no problems with that. That made me happy, however I have suspicions that she is pregnant. It looked that way, I was glad I was having a good day when I saw her, it was mostly hidden by her scrubs but I saw her standing at a different angle when I was leaving and thought I totally saw a bump.

So later the IVF nurse coordinator called and said bloodwork was great and everything looked good. So I dropped down to 5 units lupron and started estrogen. YAY!! For staying on schedule so far! However stopping BCPs and I think the lupron is giving me BAD headaches. I had such a bad migraine yesterday I could barely function by the time I got home from work, and it is still hanging around a bit today. Please go away... and the spotting... that needs to stop too. I don't think I am supposed to start bleeding... if it gets any worse I am calling the nurse to see if it okay. I mentioned to the Dr when I was there that I was spotting and she said it was okay but it has gotten worse since yesterday morning.

Today I put in to take the 20th off, that is how positive I am that the FET will happen without a hitch... I put a note that I planned to work a half day around a medical appointment. So now I am waiting for my boss to ask me again if everything is okay. If he does I will just say it is that I just need to take a valium for the appointment so can't come in.

Next appointment is the 14th.... in the morning before my BFF and I head out of town for the Santa Hustle race. I think I am finally going to tell her what is going on. We will see how things go that weekend... I feel guilty not sharing what we have been going through with my BFF of 25 years but we are just in such different places in our lives.

Lupron is a go!!!

Had my PreLupron scan this morning.
Got in and the semi cute RE came in and looked at my ovaries and my ute and said all looked good.
I got a call from the IVF nurse later that went to my voicemail but she said to start my 10 units of Lupron tonight and continue until next week. And my last BCP is Sunday (my calendar says Monday so I might call to clarify)
Dr L told me when I was there that if I don't get a period between now and next Wednesday I do have to come in for the bloodwork and US and if I do I need to call Tuesday and talk to one of the nurses about my period. I already have my appt scheduled so I will wait and call Tuesday either way to make sure I need to go in!

So I took my shot today. Itty bitty little needle! It feels a little burny now and I have a bit of a headache but it might not be related at all!

Soooo in other news...
One of my coworkers (semi friend) (We chat at work etc) told me today she was getting her IUD out today. I expected it because they just bought a house etc... I am excited for her but as soon as she said she was getting it out and then just trying to see what happened she said she didn't want it to happen for a few months. I told her there were ways to make sure that didn't happen, she just laughed.

I am having a hard time being super excited for her because of some comments she has made to me before. About not understanding people who do fertility treatments and that she will never ever do meds or shots to have a baby and those people are crazy etc... obviously she does not know what I am going through but still unless you know what someone is going through you should just not say anything.

Each time I just respond with "you never know what you will be willing to do until you are in the place where you have to make the decision" Thinking maybe she would get a hint that the reason I have no children yet is because we are having problems but life and the world revolve around her so of course she didn't get it! I really honestly hope she has an easy time and doesn't have to make the decisions I have had to make (although she has already told me she will never to treatment and will just adopt an older child)

FET Meds are here!

Ohh... so the cheapest order from Freedom to date showed up today! and the Lupron came with 14 syringes and they sent me 30 extra... I have so many syringes I could go into business... I have 20 or more left from the PIO but no needles... These are all in one syringes...

Maybe I can make crafts out of them!

Fill a stocking with them??

I just wish the progesterone came with applicators... But no I get to cram pills up there at least they are bigger than the little blue estrace pills I have to do the week before that!

Other than this nothing much is happening... I go in the morning for my US to see if I can start the lupron tomorrow. FX for no cysts so I can start and keep on schedule. I have been having pains near my ovaries off and on mostly when i cough or sneeze since ER in Oct. But it isn't bad enough I have had to mention it but I am just hoping it is nothing and they are just sore still. I mean I would still be angry after having a needle stuck into me and having my eggs sucked out only a month ago!

Stork Award

I had never heard of this until I got a message today from one of the wonderful ladies I have "met" through the Bump and IDOB on facebook. Annie you are a wonderful person this was so sweet of you!
I am so glad I have all these ladies to share this journey with because only a couple people in my real life know and they are not going through it so they just don't understand. It is so nice to be able to talk to people who get how isolating this whole process can be!

So I am going to just copy and paste from Annie's blog You can read more about the Stork Award and how it stared here.

Here's how The Stork Award works: 
1. Add the avatar for the award in your blog post
2. Link to the blog that nominated you 
3. Answer the ten questions given to you
4. Nominate other bloggers. 
5. Ask your nominees their ten questions. 
6. Let your nominees know they've been awarded. 
7. Put the award icon on your side bar if so inclined. 

So my 10 questions from Annie are:

1. What three words best describe you? Loyal, Stubborn, caring
2. If you had to move to and live in a foreign country for 5 years, which country would you choose and why? Austria, my mom was born in Austria and that is where my grandparents are from so I would love to go and learn where I come from.
3. What's the last good book that you read? I read a lot! The latest one I gave 5 stars to on Goodreads is The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton. It was a really good book and I will read it again.
4. What are some of your hobbies? Scrapbooking, being crafty, reading, kayaking
5. Are you more of an introvert or extrovert? I am sort of in between. Depending on the situation I will be either. But I guess I tend to stay more to myself.
6. What's your favorite time of the year? Fall and Spring. I love the seasons changing!
7. If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?  I would love to be musical. I used to play the piano and would love to play again.
8. Would you rather go on a backpacking/camping trip or relax at a comfy resort? 1,000,000% camping and backpacking. I love being outside and hiking and camping and am very bummed we only went once this past year.
9. Do you have a favorite quote or is there one that means something special to you right now?

10. What are your top 3 favorite songs right now? I am kind of hooked on Imagine Dragons and some Mumford and Sons. There are others but no super favorites!

Okay Now I am supposed to nominate people! This will be hard!
One is for sure going to be Celeste. She is so supportive to everyone no matter what she is going through. <3 you Celeste! http://runninganddreamingfortwo.blogspot.com/
And the other has to be Lindsay, like Celeste she is always so supportive even when she got bad news after her last IVF Cycle. Lindsay you are so strong and I am glad I am getting to know you! http://livingtheinfertilelife.blogspot.com/ 

Now the harder part, coming up with 10 questions!
1. What is your Favorite quote?
2. Do you have any secret talents? Or if not what would you want to be a secret talent?
3. What is your favorite sound?
4. What is your favorite time of year?
5. If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint?
6. What is a good book you have read recently?
7. What is the first thing you bought with your own money?
8. What is one story your family loves to tell about you?
9. If you had 30 minutes of free time what would you do?
10. What did you want to be when you grew up?

FET cycle starts....

Tonight!!!

We had our wtf appt with Dr S today.

I teared up when she came in and looked like she was going to cry and said "I am so, so sorry" 

She said it was a great cycle, I responded really well and we got some great quality embryos. But unfortunately the odds came into play. She can't explain what happened but she would not change anything that happened during the cycle because it went so well. But that we had one very high quality blast frozen that she highly recommended us using.
 

She asked how we were feeling and what our thoughts were for moving forward. I told her we wanted to cycle again as soon as possible and explained the taxes and stuff. So she went to talk to one of the IVF nurses to see what we could do. FET or fresh before the end of the year.
 

She said that their current success rates with FET were 20%. E said eventually the odds needed to turn in our favor and she agreed.

So we waited, and waited and finally K the IVF nurse came in. She had been making a calendar for me! No time for a fresh cycle but we can fit a FET in! So I start BCPs tonight! lupron next week! And if all goes well transfer will be Dec 20th with beta Dec 29!!! Normally they IVF team meets on Mondays to review cases and build calendars etc. But they decided to get me in there ASAP and not wait until Monday to find out if I could cycle again this year!

Holy crap!

I also made Dr S look at the lovely rash I have on my butt... she said it looks like it is right where the PIO shots were but that it doesn't look like an allergic reaction to it more of a dermatitis. She said to keep putting hydrocortisone on it and wait it out... The nurse said that she has heard of that happening if not all the PIO goes into the muscle and some of it is sub-q there can be a reaction. But they are not giving me PIO this cycle because of the rash. So yay for no PIO but booo for progesterone suppositories!

Thoughts about the WTF appt...

Sooo.... the WTF is less than a week away... Thoughts are flowing in my head... too bad E is OOT so I can't bounce these thoughts off him.
Originally I thought I would just do a FET cycle spend like $3-4000 and put off doing another fresh IVF cycle until Spring....
Well... Then after thinking about how we are already claiming so much for medical on our taxes this year we would be able to claim the entire $20k for a fresh cycle on the taxes (or whatever portion we have paid by Dec 31, so meds and the $8,901 for the ER)...
it kind of seems silly not to take advantage of that since who knows how the deduction will change by next year...
But I don't want to become a psycho bitch on all those meds again and see what happens with the FET... but saving money is also a good thing, but sooo many shots again...
ARGH... I guess we really do just need to wait and see what Dr S has to say.

I am hoping she will answer the following questions for me (us):

What went wrong? and Why? Does she have any thoughts on that?
Were all the eggs fertilized with ICSI, I think that is what the embryologist told me but don't remember.
Are there any additional tests that she thinks need to be done?
Any supplements besides our vitamins we should be taking?
Does she think we should do a fresh cycle or FET?
If we do a fresh cycle would she change the protocol?
What are success rates for my age for FET vs Fresh, 3dt vs 5dt? (I have seen it online but want to know her opinion)

I think I am going crazy... Or am I?

I am losing my mind! Maybe...

So I woke up around 5 this morning in tears after having a very vivid dream.

In my dream my grandpa who passed away 10 years ago was with me telling me that this IVF didn't work because those were not the right embryos. But that the one we have frozen is the right one.

Obviously I am very hopeful that this Little Penguin is the one for us and maybe that triggered the dream. But it felt so real like my grandpa who I still miss every day was sitting in the room with me.

I keep going back to the dream. Please Grandpa don't be wrong. I love and miss you!

Complete and utter devastation

I keep waiting for it to completely sink in that this is over.
No more false hope can be created for this cycle.
One of the doctors called around 4 that she had been calling the lab every hour all day to get my results and she was so upbeat and happy. My blood was just being processed and she would have the answer within the hour.
So the phone rang just before 5 and I answered and I could tell instantly by her tone that it was negative. She is the sweetest and is the one who did all my US this whole cycle and was there on transfer day. She kept asking if I needed anything and said I could call back and any time if I needed to talk to her.  I am to stop all pills tonight and just wait for AF to show...

E is devastated, he was so hopeful. He has been moping around the house since the call and wants to cuddle etc, I would rather be left alone to process. We are just different in that way.

Our WTF appt is Nov 19 to see what we should do next. Probably a FET cycle and see what happens with our one little penguin. But I guess we will see what Dr Smith says. I told E he has to come to that appt with me to listen.

Waiting....

Had my blood drawn at 8:15.... it is now 10:23...
I am not a patient person....
This is driving me crazy!!
JUST CALL ME ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow is the day....

Yes or no? It will be a long day waiting for the call...
I plan on going right at 8 for the blood draw... then however long it takes for the hospital to process because it is the weekend and then for the nurse to call...

Really... People, stop with the stories you think will cheer me up..

One of my coworkers who I love dearly and have shared this whole drama filled journey with emailed me today to see how I was doing...

I told her mentally I am not in a good place right now but am managing. She has me in tears at my desk. She is so sweet and told me she is praying for me every day.
 

But then decides to tell me about her aunt who did ivf etc and gave up and adopted 2 girls and BAM she was pregnant.  And that as soon as we stop trying is when we will get pregnant. To go on a romantic vacation and get drunk and BAM I will come home pregnant.
 

I know she doesnt know anything about infertility so I know she doesnt know what she is saying doesnt help, and is a little painful. But it is hurting me today.

I am trying to be nice in my email responses but finally just wrote back in 30 months we have just tried not trying, getting drunk and trying and gone on vacation and tried and nothing has worked. This literally is all our eggs in one basket (and one in the freezer) 

Still hopeful? or losing hope?

I have been trying to hard to stay positive through this whole cycle. That is is it for us. This is the last boost we needed to finally add to our family.... So far this year we have spent $20k OOP on infertility treatments and that doesn't count all the monitoring from this IVF cycle that has not gone through insurance yet, so might be another $2-3k in there... I really think that if this doesn't work I am willing to do a FET with our frostie but then I think I am done, we might just have to live child free... God it hurts to even type those words.

And right after the ER and the first couple days after transfer I was feeling hopeful enough to go on Pinterest and look at cute nurseries and stuff, there are some super cute ideas out there.

Then starting Monday my train of thought has been derailed. I have just started to be negative. I am preparing myself for the worst on Saturday but trying to hope for the best...

Yesterday 7 days after my 3 day transfer (or 10dpo) I decided I would take a test. They were calling me from in the bathroom... (Kris, Kris you know you want no NEED to pee on one of us) so I did. I waited that 5 minutes and looked and Nothing.... test line and stark white. I know it is still early yada yada yada.... some people don't get a positive until way later...

Now I am thinking that if I get a call Saturday that it is positive I will be in shock instead of being in shock that it is negative. I will still be devastated if it is negative but I am going to be sort of prepared. I might test Saturday morning or Friday just so I know but I don't know.

Tonight E was asking when we would find out, I have not told him I took a test he has been super positive that all the PIO shots are for the baby etc... so I told him Saturday they are taking blood and we would get a call. I think it became real for him he stared and went okay then...

I also felt silly on Tuesday because I had questions just to put my mind at ease. So work is doing flu shots tomorrow I wanted to know for sure that was okay, she laughed and said yes that was fine. Then I asked about exercise, I have been walking but have the Turkey Trot on Saturday if I can make it there after getting my blood drawn, I have done no jogging since transfer but wanted to know yes or no if I could jog a bit on Saturday. She told me to dress warm but no jogging. Stay low impact, walking was okay but nothing else until I get results back and then we could discuss when I could do more.

These hormones are really getting to me... my friend at work told me she thinks they are really affecting my brain right now. I agree, I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know who I am except I am cranky and angry a lot.

6dp3dt Make my brain stop... please make it stop it is making me crazy

Not much happening... bloated and cramping... and trying to talk myself out of peeing on things....

I was incredibly moody, crabby and on the verge of tears today. All PMS symptoms, caused by the progesterone shots is my guess.... But it has been over a week of those why now???? why is it affecting me so bad now???
Work also sucked major monkey ass today... I am so over everything, it is all getting to me and I can't stand my boss or his son (mostly his son) right now. He is trying to help but knows nothing and is just fucking everything up and making more work for everyone else. One of us needs to go... and I don't see daddy firing him... too bad this is not the best time to switch jobs if this did work....

I am trying to stay positive... but also am preparing for the worst. What if on Saturday they call with the results and it is negative? All those shots, all that money for nothing... We have one frozen embryo so we could do a FET (frozen embryo transfer) which is a much cheaper cycle because it doesn't need all the monitoring and shots as a fresh cycle. But what if the embryo doesn't survive the thaw? what if that doesn't work? then what? Spend another $17k for another what if? I will be 37 in April and E 38 in March, how long is too long to try? how old is to old....
Please make my brain stop... I don't know how to make it all stop... the what ifs are going to make me crazy...

Saturday is my 10th 5k of the year, my favorite one that I have done the last 3 years... I have to get my blood draw first thing at 8 and am hoping I can make it to the park and get to the start by 9 so I can actually do it... I will just be walking since no training has happened with this lazy fat ass in a long time.

Day 6 freeze report... (finally!)

So I waited all day yesterday and no call. So I started to think I was crazy that they said they would call day 5 and maybe they said they would call day 6 and the valium made me not understand...

Anyway, today I got a call from the embryologist. We had 1 embryo make it to freeze. He said it was a very high quality 4AB blastocyst and it was frozen on day 5. They grade embryos 1-6, 6 being the best and A-C on two categories with A being the best. So a 4AB means: 4=cavity size is Expanded; A=ICM Inter cell mass=Many cells, tight together; B=TE Cells (trophectoderm)=Many Cells.  None of the others made it to a stage that they were viable for freezing.

I am a little bummed about the others but at least we have one on ice! Or one little penguin as E and I called it today. And I named it Mumble... Cuz why not give it a name! Hopefully the ones they transferred are doing well and Mumble can be a sibling in a year or two!




Not much else going on. Just waiting until the 9th for Beta day. I decided to test today to see if the HCG trigger was out of my system and it is gone. Soooooo.... if I see a line at any point from now on it is real... I did a little research and most things say about 5 days after a 3 day transfer implantation begins and somewhere around 8 days after HCG starts to enter the blood stream. So I am 3 days past my 3 day transfer (3dp3dt) now, so a few more to wait!! :) Good thing I am so patient... NOT!!!

PUPO baby!

PUPO= pregnant until proven otherwise!

So we transfered 2 3 day 8 cell grade a embryos. The RE and embryologist said they were textbook and the best they had seen in a while! So FX we get at least one healthy baby out of it!

It was creepy rub my shoulder dr that did the transfer and kept looking up between my knees and having a conversation with me! Sent me on my way right after said there was really no need to stay put unless it felt right to me. My bladder had plans other than me staying put so after a couple minutes got up and peed and changed.

I changed my WtF if this fails appt. it was scheduled for the 12th but i felt that was only 3 days after we would find out and i might need more time to process it all I moved it to the next week. The receptionist and hubster were confused by me doing that but it felt right to me.

We had a couple others that looked good so we get a report thursday on how they are doing and then Friday with a freeze report.

One more thing i am taking as a sign is that the chrismas cactus E got me on our first date (8 years ago tomorrow) is almost in bloom! It flowers every year on our anniversary of dating except last year.

Transfer day!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Okay well I should have updated yesterday. I got a call yesterday that 4 more eggs had fertilized and that they were watching all off them but had scheduled me tentatively for a transfer today at 11. And that I would get a call this morning if all was going well they would move the transfer to a 5 day transfer on Thursday. 5dt have better results in someone my age from what I have read so that is what I was hoping for.

Had to tell my boss that I will be off in the morning but might end up coming in and having Thursday off instead and him thinking I am dying or have some horrible disease. He was really concerned about me. I reassured him that everything was okay and not to worry. I don't know that he bought it and know he is totally wondering what is going on. Oh wells!

SO I just got the call that I have 3 embryos that are at 8A stage which is 8 cells and A is the highest grade they give them but the others are not looking quite as well. So they are recommending coming in today and doing 2 of the 8A embryos. So... in 20 minutes I get to take a valium and start drinking for a full bladder for our 11am transfer!!!

EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK it is so real.... and what if both take... what if it is twins.... OMG I am going to freak out from now until the HCG draw on the 9th and then from there until the first US..... AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Fert report is in!!

This morning was 5k number 9 for the year. Having been sick for almost 3 weeks and just having the ER yesterday I was planning on walking. I jogged a little in the first mile like the first 4 minutes until I realized I was out of practice and then jogged a couple more times in the first mile and then walked until the last .2 and jogged into the finish. Time on my watch was 51:19 I am waiting for the bib times to be posted though But i think I was pretty close on my watch.

So when I was driving home the embryologist called me. So I pulled onto a side street and talked to him. He said of the 18 eggs they got 13 of those were mature. So they did ICSI and 7 fertilized normally with ICSI, 1 fertilized abnormally with ICSI and they are watching that 1 and the other 5 to see if anything happens with them in the next 24 hours. ICSI= the inject a single sperm into each egg.



He then told me the next time I would hear from them would be at my transfer. UM WUT? I don't get an update again?? for serious?

Tomorrow I guess I am supposed to get a call from the IVF nurse to set up transfer dates. I am hoping that I can get more updates on those little embies tomorrow when they call me.

But for now... Grow you 7 little embies grow!! I am hoping for a 5DT but we will see what they recommend

18 eggos!! Now to wait for the fert report!

Egg retrieval was this morning!
Got to the office a little earlier than they told me and sat around until they took me back.
Changed into my gown and walked into the "operating room" sat on the table and talked to the nurse for a while. Then Dr L who was doing the retrieval came in and he is super nice and talked me through what was going to happen.
Then the nurse started the IV (yay for no vein problems) and got the leads on my chest, blood pressure cuff on, pulse ox on the finger etc.
I guess I didn't realize it but most REs knock you completely out for the ER but mine just gives you nice meds!
They had my scoot down on the table and get my legs in fun things to hold them up. The nurse turned on the nice relaxing/pain meds and I got all tingly and woozy.
Dr R came in (he is probably in his 60) and stood at my shoulder and rubbed it talking me through everything that was going to happen and stayed there the whole time holding my hand and rubbing my shoulder. He totally could have skipped the rubbing and holding part but he thought he was helping!
We just chatted the whole time, and I could watch the screen and see the eggs being sucked out which was pretty cool to watch. Only really felt the needle go through the vag wall on both sides didn't feel anything else.
Total count was 18 eggs, don't know how many they were expecting because I think I had more follicles than that but not all follicles have an egg in them.
Chatted with the nurse while the meds were wearing off and changed and she walked me out. I actually felt really good after, a little tired and crampy but nothing major.

When we first got there the girl that was in our IVF class had just come out from her ER and she did not look well at all, she was saying she was going to throw up and was dizzy. I wished her luck with everything since she recognized me sitting there.
I am glad I felt pretty good after since I normally get sick after anesthesia.
We stopped at Tim Hortons and had breakfast, YUM! and came home and I took a nap. I could go for another nap to be honest! But that is just because I am tired not from the meds or anything. Just a little achy/crampy right now but nothing a few tylenol I am going to go find won't help!

Triggered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I survived my first IM shot and most importantly E survived my first IM shot given by him!

First he ran over my toes with his desk chair, I think it was to distract me but not really!!
He was super nervous about the shot mostly because he had to pull back a little bit to check for blood and he was so afraid of seeing blood in there. I reassured him that the 14 shots I did that I checked for blood I never saw any, I think that helped!

I had my US and bloodwork today and she was super excited as she measured and counted. I can't remember exactly the sizes because I didn't keep track like I did yesterday but I remember on the right I had a 20, 19.5, a 19 and a bunch of others. On the left I had a 19, a 16 and a few others. I forgot to ask her how many she counted in total but it was a bunch. She was super excited and told me today was the day. She brought me the consents for surgery and anesthesia to sign for Saturday.

I got my call at 2:30 that I was supposed to trigger at 8:30 tonight for ER Saturday at 8:30am! I had already gotten an email about that appt so I knew that much. I am supposed to drink as much water as humanly possible tomorrow so they don't have vein problems on Saturday. Because a couple nurses can't get blood except Nurse B but she is on vacation starting today through the weekend :(. but Nurse A went for nurse Bs favorite spot and had no problems today either!

8:30 I handed E the mixed shot and lay down on the bed. He did it and I felt it a bit but not a ton. Now it is all achy.

I am most excited about no shots at all tomorrow! Yay!!! Saturday after ER I get a PIO shot when we get home and then every day until Beta I get one of those. Sunday I start 5 days of Doxy (antibiotic) and Medrol (steroid) twice a day and also 3 times a day Estrace in the vag... which happen to be blue... Smurf vag here I come! The IVF nurse warned me about it and said to make sure to wear a liner.

I am also super super excited because my BFF and I are skyping on sunday... the first time since she moved to Dubai almost 2 years ago... why it took us so long is beyond me... I just think it didn't occur to us! I can't stop smiling about it!

Sunday is also 5k #9 for the year. I have been sick for almost 3 weeks and it is the day after ER but I was given the OK today to walk it so that makes me happy! I just hope I feel up to it Sunday morning.

Getting uncomfortable....

Monday I had my first ultrasound... and got Nurse B, that made me smile. She is the one who has no problems. Insert needle get blood instantly! I love her!
Next step was the ultrasound. The Dr came in and got to work. Said my lining looked great and then started to measure. I tried to keep track in my head but it didn't work so well! The largest was 13.5, I think there were 2 more 13s, 3 12s a couple 11 and a 10 and a 9 all on the right (around 10-12) and on the left there was less a couple 12s and 11s and a 10, I think around 6 total.
She estimated that I would trigger Thursday and ER would be Saturday.
Tomorrow will determine a lot. My next US and blood draw. She said that the eggs should grow 2mm a day so the 13s should be 17s by morning etc...
I really hope it is Saturday or Monday because of the Wicked Halloween Run on Sunday morning.
I asked her if it would be okay for me to walk or maybe jog a little if I had my ER the day before and she said absolutely, it probably would be good to get out and moving.

I got my call later with my E2 level, Saturday it was 210 and Monday it was 461, someone told me that the dr looks for it to double so I guess that is happening. So I am to stay on the same doses Monday and Tuesday (today) I am in shock that this is happening like soon!

My ovaries are very sore sitting and laying are kind of uncomfortable. I emailed my Pilates instructor to tell her I would not be able to attend classes today and next week and told her what was going on. She wrote back that she was glad I shared what was going on and that she wishes me nothing but the best. And if I wanted to come to class she could give me modifications if needed. She is so incredibly sweet. I told her today I was just to uncomfortable to go but maybe next week I would and would take her up on modifications.

And at work today I was in a meeting with the president, a manager, the director of HR and someone else, and we got to talking about age and moving out of the country etc... So they asked if I would be willing to move (like a much younger coworker wanted to do) and I said i was to old for all that. So the president was like you are only like 30 or 31 you are not that old. So I corrected him that I was 36 and I think he was in shock that I was that old. So we were all eating lunch and he looks at me and goes "So are you planning on children in the future? (or something to that extent)" and I probably looked like a fish as I opened and closed my mouth a bunch of times before deciding what to say. So I finally just said "Hopefully at some point yes we would like kids" but it had taken me so long to put the words together and I am sure I turned bright red as well that everyone in the conference room was staring at me. So they probably all figured something was up, luckily they didn't ask any follow-up questions!

Time to go shoot more meds in me!

Still a human pin cushion....

After my Thursday experience, Friday I chugged fluid all day, Saturday morning I drank 2 bottles before my blood draw appointment.
I got there and the nurse who took me was the one who never has a problem! I was so happy.

She saw my bruise from Thursday and shook her head. I told her the story of what happened on Thursday.
She tied off my arm, poked for 2 seconds to find a vein. Needle in and in 2.5 seconds had all the blood she needed. She told me she was in shock that they had a problem at all based on her experience! But also said that anyone can have a problem on any patient at any point in time. Which I get but still...

I got my call that my estrogen had gone up (but I didn't get a number) and to come in Monday for my next blood draw and ultrasound. Yay for finally getting to see what is happening in there!! I was to continue my same dose Sat and Sunday. Which meant that I would run out of Gonal after my Sunday shot. SO I called Freedom to order my meds for Monday delivery and am told they are only scheduling Tuesday Deliveries! Cue jaw hitting the floor.
I told her I was in the middle of an IVF cycle the changed my dose and I had no way of knowing sooner that I would run out. I absolutely had to have my meds on Monday and Tuesday was not acceptable. So she told me she needed to talk to a supervisor and the pharmacist because it would have to sit at the FedEx warehouse unrefrigerated for a couple days. (well their ice packs are so awesome that it should not be a problem. So she put me on hold. and then came back and told me that I was good to go with my Monday delivery. Thank GOD!

Well Saturday night we were taking my SIL and BIL out for their Christmas Present. The DSO was doing John Williams music, hubs and them are huge music nerds and super excited. Well the show was at 8pm AKA shot time! So I had to take everything with me and be a druggie in the bathroom.
So I had one small makeup bag with an icepack and my Gonal and another with my Ganirilex and then vials, needle and syringe for the Menopur.
So before the show it was 7:45 and we made a bathroom stop, I knew my SIL was waiting for me to get to our seats so I quickly did the 2 premixed shots, I was in such a rush they didn't even hurt! So I spent the first half with the ganirilex itching like a mother. At intermission made another bathroom rush. Purposely let people get between my SIL and I so I would have a delay anyway. Locked the stall door and set about mixing my 3 vials of Menopur with the 1ML of dilutant and shooting myself up. my hands were shaking I felt so rushed. I guess one positive is the bathrooms were very clean for public bathrooms! Luckily this time my SIL was not waiting when I came out so I could take my time walking back to my seat and then complain about the crowds of people being annoying!

The concert was good, not really my type of thing but it was still good, the conductor guy was pretty funny and made it fun so that helped along with knowing some of the songs from Harry Potter and Star Wars.

Gosh I am wordy today! Happy Sunday! Hopefully I will have good follie news tomorrow!

How can the one nurse never get blood???????

So there are 3 nurses at the RE office... one has no real people skills but she can stick my vein like no other and has no problems getting blood, one is a bit older and just worries about hurting me but usually gets blood and has to stick me once, maybe twice... The third nurse... She sucks, she is the youngest of them and has never been able to get blood.
This morning I had to go in for an E2 check. So it is the youngin... she has me sit and puts on the tourniquet, and in my experience it is not as tight as it is with others but whatever she is the nurse. I had been chugging water since the night before. She finds a vein and sticks and starts fishing around and finally finds it and blood is barely trickling... so she starts questioning my water intake, and then starts massaging the vein to get more blood out.... It was not pleasant.
Finally she decides that she will get no more and starts looking at the vial and doesn't know if it is enough for their lab to process, but there is no one in the lab until 8 and this is 720am. but she thinks it is enough for the hospital to process. But just in case she wants to try my other arm. Ugh... she starts fishing in there with the needle, my arm is bleeding but she can't get the needle in the vein. For serious?????????
Eventually she gives up and bandages up both arms and sends me on my way.
She totally blew out my vein on the right side, it is so bruised and sore it hurts to bend my arm.

So I wait for my call at 3 to tell me what my new protocol is.
The IVF nurse called and told me that my estrogen is only at 80 after 3 days of 300IU of Gonal and they want it higher than that. My new protocol is the next 2 days 225IU of Gonal, 225IU of Menopur and Ganirilex. I just did my 3 shots. Gonal is no problem, moved on to do the Ganirilex and damn that needle did not want to go in I had to really jab to get that sucker to go in! Then I had to mix my Menopur 1ML of dilutant with 3 vials of powder that went well. Stab my self a third time and that one kind of burned! But I got them all in! But now I have a bit of a headache, don't know it is related to all the shots or because of the remnants of my cold.

Now instead of having bloodwork and an ultrasound on Saturday I just have bloodwork to check my E2 again. then I think I will have to reschedule some stuff maybe.... Hopefully we get back on track!!

Let's get this IVF show on the road!

Tonight was my first stimming shot! 

300 IU of Gonal-F the first of 3.

So I do 2 more of these then Thursday I go for some blood work and get to change up my cocktail. I will know exact dosages Thursday but it is tentatively 150 IU of Gonal, 150 of Menopur and Ganirilex.


If my body responds according to my calendar next Friday should be ER! Please Please Please lets do this and I am praying for that and a 5 day transfer because that would be October 30th which is our dating anniversary!


We went on our first date 8 years ago on the 30th! So I am hoping this is all good luck!

Let me tell you though 300 IU is a huge difference from the 75 I did for the IUI. The spot was a little tender after the shot and still is a little. I hope I don't bruise, I did after a few of the smaller doses a few months ago so I can't imagine what this will do to me, especially once I am up to 3 shots a day!

Oh and Saturday we are going out to a concert with BIL and SIL and I am going to have to take my 3 shots with me and do them in the bathroom before the concert starts. That should be interesting! 2 of them are prefilled syringes so no biggie but the one needs to be mixed and stuff... I am gonna feel like a druggy shooting up in the bathroom and SIL will probably wonder what I am up to in there! Oh yeah and the one needs to be kept cold so I will need a little ice pack in my purse as well... Need to figure the logistics all out still. I am debating doing them all in the car before we go in and just telling them what is up. It would be a lot easier than sneaking shots in a bathroom! Guess Hubs and I will have a chat about that before Saturday.

Consent forms signed, Meds reviewed, shot practiced.... All Check... OMG this is real!

Today was IVF intake class... we signed the consent forms, reviewed all the meds and how to take and when.
Still super overwhelming but maybe a little better.
Man that IM needle looks soooo big....
E got to practice stabbing me in the ass once. I actually only felt the initial poke and then was good. But he was only injecting something minor in not the PIO or HTC. The PIO is supposed to hurt because it is oil and just sits there. So the IVF nurse suggested to do it in the morning so that the movement through the day helps it move around and disperse.
There was another couple in the class and they seemed super overwhelmed too. And the girl was afraid of needles so I felt bad for her. But thanks to the lovely ladies of the bump I knew most of what the nurse was telling us and it made sense to me, so that felt good.
And I was glad to know the 3 shots I will be on to start can be done stomach or thigh, yay for more to rotate. The last gonal-F cycle my belly was so sore after 8 or 9 days of shots, so at least it will get a break since I fully intend to do thigh shots as well.
We have a book of FAQs from the lab with pictures and everything.
All my appts are scheduled out for the days that they think I will need to come in but it is all very fluid depending on my body. The only for sure appts are Oct 11 preIVF US and bloodwork and then Oct 14 is my first blood draw.
It is real! It will be more real when the shots start.
What is giving me  hope for this cycle is if all goes according to the calendar and we do a 5 day transfer that is the anniversary of our first date. I said that to the girls at the REs office and they all said that meant it this was the cycle for me and one of the other ones said because my beta would be veterans day and the day her daughter was born that is a good sign as well. We will know in just over 30 days!!

Meds are here!

Got home from work and E was like "your party box is here, or should I call it baby in a box?"
Yep... this is all of it!

So glad that we have our intake meeting tomorrow. I am to bring all the meds with me and we will go over. That makes me feel better. It is a bit overwhelming! E also learns how to give me shots tomorrow. Yikes... there are two things he will have to do for me because they are IM (intra muscular) shots. Not looking forward to those so much!

Anyway that is about it, just taking pills til next week and then finding out when I become a pin cushion!

Protocol received and meds ordered!!

Wow! It is so real right now.
Got my protocol yesterday, had to wait all day and finally got my email at 4pm!
Called today and my meds are gonna show up Thursday. Interested on what $4,000 worth of meds looks like!
I go off BCPs on the 11th and start Gonal on the 14th.
Here is the rest of the deets!

Not much happening today.