I started to write this at work but am so frustrated I feel like crying so I had to stop...
I have this 3 coworkers in my building that currently know my news, K,A and J. Now K has been totally cool and has not asked anything really and is just happy for us. A is my work mom and knows about our struggle and that we had to do IVF, she knows enough but not everything, but would never say anything to anyone else.
Then there is J. This is not the first time she had pissed me off but I will get into that later (it will really help with why I am so mad). It makes me so upset not just for me but all my friends who have struggled so hard to get what we all wish for and who are still struggling.
I was on my way to the bathroom and she stops me in the hall and asks if she can ask me a question. First of all no I am a preggo who needs to pee but fine...
Me: "Ok fine whats up?"
I was on my way to the bathroom and she stops me in the hall and asks if she can ask me a question. First of all no I am a preggo who needs to pee but fine...
Me: "Ok fine whats up?"
J: "How long were you trying for before it worked?"
Me thinking this is not appropriate conversation especially in the hallway at work when I have not told anyone so I said "well it took us quite a while" I am not going to go into my IF journey with her or anyone else at work
J: "oh good, so maybe I am not broken" she and her husband have been trying for 3-4 months, 3! (Yes I remember way back when 3 months seemed like forever but still)
Me: deciding to spew what gets told to every newbie on TTGP who gets frustrated after the first couple months "Well it can take up to a year even with good timing, you really only have a 20% chance each month"
J: Blank stare... "well yeah it took my one friend like 10 years but she had cancer and chemo and then other medical issues... And I don't think I have any of that going on"
Me: "well if you want to try to time things better you can always pick up ovulation tests to make sure you are getting the timing down. Or even better you can try tracking your temperature every morning before you get out of bed. That will tell you when you are ovulating."
J: "Sigh, that seems like a lot of work... and who knows if I am even ovulating"
Me: "well that would help you figure that out"
J: " I am probably just broken and should give up" and walks away.
I stare blankly after her down the hall and finally head to the bathroom and then head over to A. She looks at me funny when I walked up so I repeat what just went down with J. And guess what A tells me...
That the last few days J has been asking A all about my personal business... A told me her only response to any of these questions was that J needed to talk to me. Some of the stuff she was asking A: Were they even trying? Or was this a surprise? Do you know how long they were trying for? Do you know what they did to get pregnant? Do you know what worked for them to get pregnant? (umm same question) Did they have to go to a dr? I am sure there were more but still...
Then... Then... she told A that she should probably just start the adoption process right now and since she doesn't really want a baby she would get a kid right away.
Which brings me to my past with J. There have been a few other things but back in Sept/Oct right when we had decided we needed to do IVF and were starting the process she was talking to me about kids. And how she doesn't even really like babies. They just cry and poop and are annoying. So maybe she should just adopt since she doesn't want a baby anyway. And then goes on to talk about she doesn't get "THOSE PEOPLE" who spend all kinds of money and take all kinds of medicine to have a baby. She WOULD NEVER EVER EVER pay or take meds to have a kid and just thinks those people who do are crazy. During the conversation I couldn't even talk, I was so upset and hurt by her words that I couldn't even form a sentence. She went on and on for a while about this. I eventually said something about how some people don't have a choice and if they want to have children they do need medical assistance.
Most conversations with her are you sitting and listening to her spew her "knowledge" on whatever subject she picks anway.
I still have no words and don't know how to respond to her.
Sorry for the vent.. but it feels good to get it out.
Me: deciding to spew what gets told to every newbie on TTGP who gets frustrated after the first couple months "Well it can take up to a year even with good timing, you really only have a 20% chance each month"
J: Blank stare... "well yeah it took my one friend like 10 years but she had cancer and chemo and then other medical issues... And I don't think I have any of that going on"
Me: "well if you want to try to time things better you can always pick up ovulation tests to make sure you are getting the timing down. Or even better you can try tracking your temperature every morning before you get out of bed. That will tell you when you are ovulating."
J: "Sigh, that seems like a lot of work... and who knows if I am even ovulating"
Me: "well that would help you figure that out"
J: " I am probably just broken and should give up" and walks away.
I stare blankly after her down the hall and finally head to the bathroom and then head over to A. She looks at me funny when I walked up so I repeat what just went down with J. And guess what A tells me...
That the last few days J has been asking A all about my personal business... A told me her only response to any of these questions was that J needed to talk to me. Some of the stuff she was asking A: Were they even trying? Or was this a surprise? Do you know how long they were trying for? Do you know what they did to get pregnant? Do you know what worked for them to get pregnant? (umm same question) Did they have to go to a dr? I am sure there were more but still...
Then... Then... she told A that she should probably just start the adoption process right now and since she doesn't really want a baby she would get a kid right away.
Which brings me to my past with J. There have been a few other things but back in Sept/Oct right when we had decided we needed to do IVF and were starting the process she was talking to me about kids. And how she doesn't even really like babies. They just cry and poop and are annoying. So maybe she should just adopt since she doesn't want a baby anyway. And then goes on to talk about she doesn't get "THOSE PEOPLE" who spend all kinds of money and take all kinds of medicine to have a baby. She WOULD NEVER EVER EVER pay or take meds to have a kid and just thinks those people who do are crazy. During the conversation I couldn't even talk, I was so upset and hurt by her words that I couldn't even form a sentence. She went on and on for a while about this. I eventually said something about how some people don't have a choice and if they want to have children they do need medical assistance.
Most conversations with her are you sitting and listening to her spew her "knowledge" on whatever subject she picks anway.
I still have no words and don't know how to respond to her.
Sorry for the vent.. but it feels good to get it out.
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